What is Worthiness
The theme of worthiness has been playing around in my head lately.
What is worthiness?
How do I find a sense of worth when I’ve fumbled it, dropped it by mistake? When a new time of healing asks me to go deeper than my worthiness does?
How am I valuable? How do I stay in touch with that sense?
When Worthiness is Challenged
A shame storm enveloped me 18 months ago. (A shame storm to me is whirling thoughts of “I’m not “good enough.”) I launched a business and practicum and felt too visible for comfort. A lifetime of voices told me I wasn’t worthy of having an opinion and being seen, which heightened my struggle with worthiness.
Back then I journalled the following:
“Is there enough of me to go around? If I have to take time for myself, take breaks, have low iron and feel dragged out, don’t love every moment of it, am I still worthy? Am I still good enough?
Am I good enough to be a healer or of service to people if I’m stressed, running from thing to thing, and am not doing anything really well? Even then, am I worthy of regard and respect?
If I don’t perfectly ‘heal’ myself and must practice and keep circling back and get lost every once in a while, am I worthy then? What is my worthiness based on?”
Then I Had a Dream
Around this time I had a dream—one that lingered, weighing on me in a way I couldn’t shake off.
In the dream, my husband and I moved into a new house. I don’t remember many details, except there was a sunny yellow room with a mattress on the floor, where we slept. At the end of the mattress was a china cabinet painted light turquoise, with glass-paned doors.
When I peered into the cabinet my whole being lit up with wonder. The cabinet shelves were filled with sparkling jewels, set in shining gold rings. These gems shone and gleamed as I have never seen before.
Yet while I was captivated, I felt puzzled and sad; surely the owners made a mistake and would want the jewels back. How had there been such an oversight? I concluded they hadn’t seen the value I saw in those jewels.
The dream ended there, but the sense of wonder stayed with me for days. What was it about? If only that was real life.
And Spirit Spoke
Days later, I was exhausted. I tried to rest, yet felt pulled to do everything I could to make up for my sense of not being enough. As I journalled about this struggle, I became aware my Inner Voice was speaking. I want to share what It said, because I think you may want to hear this too.
“Your worthiness is based on you alone. You are here, and you are worthy.
It’s not about what you do or how you show up for it. You are worthy, period.
You just get to be, because all that you need is coming, and there is nothing you can do to be more or less worthy for it. You are worthy.
It’s not even about being called. Do you want to do this [kind of work]? … Then you are worthy to do it, and you would still be worthy if you didn’t want to do it or did nothing. Worth is inherent. It happens just because.
Do you remember your dream? You didn’t love the rings because they did something. You loved them just because they were beautiful.
Imagine: You can be in a display case, unused, and your beauty and worth still shines. It’s inherent, the way jewels are inherently worth something. They’re worth something while sitting, unused, in the ground and while sitting in the display case and while on someone’s finger.”
(And I replied, “I wanted those rings so badly!”)
“Yes, as you are also wanted, needed, and coveted.
You will be the jewels in someone’s life, something they can look back on and treasure, a time when you helped them shift their own perspective into alignment.
Everything you are doing is worth something, whether of value to your family, to you now, or to your future.
And it is okay to rest.”
You are worthy. Now. Inherently.
There is nothing you have to do to be worthy.
And it is okay to rest.